First Ten Minutes: Tips for Writing a Screenplay
The Lodger Offers Screenplay Lessons for a Strong Intro
Mar 9, 2009
Everyone who was anyone in 1888 had either a passing thought, strong opinion, or full-fledged theory as to who could be responsible for the Ripper murders. Lowndes' story channels that paranoia into a first-person account of an unfortunate landlady with a problem tenant, who could be the iconic killer.
In Ondaatje's version of The Lodger, the Ripper murders are once again center stage, though they come from a new killer recreating the crimes.
Minutes 1-2
Open credits. On city of Hollywood. Two dark figures pass on the street, one a woman, another a man. An unseen hand writes a letter in red ink, probably blood. The woman continues her journey down the street, unaware of the dark figure coming up behind her. More shots of the letter and West Hollywood come into view. The elements blend to set the tone of the script -- that of a modern-day thriller.
Screenwriting Tip #1: When writing a screenplay, remember to set your tone as quickly as possible.
Minutes 2-4
A police car pulls to a stop, red lights flashing. Detective Chandler Manning (Alfred Molina) steps out of it. Another officer approaches: "The Detectives are done, so they covered it up. This way." Manning finds out, after a brief exchange, that it's "a hooker...pretty nasty." No witnesses, of course. The two men come to a body covered by a tarp drenched in blood. Manning takes a look.
Cut to daytime in a nice neighborhood.
A point-of-view shot approaches a gate, sails over it, and edges closer to a house, from which a large man appears and picks up the newspaper lying on his lawn.
Screenwriting Tip #2: In writing a strong intro, make sure you introduce your major characters and inciting incident as quickly as possible.
Minutes 4-6
Meet Bunting (Donal Logue), an angry-looking middle-aged man. He enters the house and throws the newspaper on the table. It reads, "Woman slain in West Hollywood." Inside, a woman prepares breakfast. This is Ellen (Hope Davis). Ellen and Bunting are husband and wife.
On the kitchen TV, a newscaster reports on the murder. Ellen watches Bunting work the knife as the newscaster tells of the killer's modus operandi...a knife. Detective Manning is asked for a comment. He gives none.
Ondaatje continues to develop the major characters in this portion of his opening. He introduces viewers to Ellen and Bunting. Through their interplay, it is discovered both are trapped in a loveless marriage. The audience also learns that Ellen suspects her husband may be responsible for the recent string of murders. Last but not least, there is something learned of Manning. He is a company man. He refuses to share information if it could potentially harm his case.
Screenwriting Tip #3: When writing a screenplay, don't waste a minute. Dig deeper into the lives of your characters, and show how they react to what is going on around them.
Minutes 6-8
Next, Bunting tells Ellen to drop the asking price on the room they have for rent.
Cut to police precinct. A knock on Manning's door. "Any more of those effeminate knocks and you're gonna get a lot of unwanted attention," Manning tells his new partner. More homophopic cracks follow. His partner dodges each one, and shows him a letter. "Who else has seen this?"
Meanwhile, Ellen shows her young son how to dust. Bunting approaches. "I'm going out. Take your pills. No one's going to rent this place if they think the landlady's a lunatic."
"What if the landlord is?" she asks.
Screenwriting Tip #4: How do the characters react to each other? What is revealed about your characters by the way they respond to certain interactions? And remember, without additional plot details, your characters will have nothing to react to. Synthesize these elements when writing a strong intro, and your audience will be hooked.
Minutes 8-10
Amanda (Rachel Leigh Cook) receives a phone call. "I've been thinking of visiting." Manning is on the other end. Amanda, his daughter, doesn't want to see him. "It's okay, I got a lot of work to do myself." He hangs up.
Cut to outside. Malcolm (Simon Baker) approaches a "For Rent" sign hanging on a weathered picket fence -- Ellen and Bunting's.
Inside the house, the oven dings, followed closely by a doorbell.
Ellen: "Just a minute!"
Doorbell again.
She goes to answer, and sees a silhouette through the glass pane of the door. Paranoid, Ellen approaches. "Hello?"
"I'm sorry, I should have called first." It's Malcolm, and he needs a room. She invites him in.
"Smells good," he says.
"So have you just moved to L.A.?"
"Not really, I'm just looking for something new. Something to inspire me." Ellen informs him the rent comes with breakfast, but he's a late riser.
Cut to the autopsy prognosis: It appears the murderer is a copycat recreating the Ripper murders.
Conclusions
In the final two minutes, Ondaatje introduces the first main plot point, which will fuel the rest of his script. He builds on Ellen's paranoia. He moves the plot forward with the introduction of Malcolm. He continues to develop the Detective Manning character with more conflict between him and the newly introduced character of his estranged daughter.
All these factors will play a role in the course of the film, and therein lies the final lesson. When writing a screenplay, you can't afford to waste time. Your first ten minutes are no exception. Use them wisely to introduce characters, set up plot, and set the overall tone. The first ten minutes of The Lodger accomplishes these tasks.
As for a film's success, that's what the rest of the pages are for. Of course, the script isn't everything, and the first ten will not sell the last 90. But they will get you a heck of a lot closer.
Read more about The Lodger at IMDB.
To check out facts on the Ripper murders, head over to the Casebook website.
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